What a Time to be Alive.

What a time to be alive.

The anxiety in me feels like it has been training for this moment for the entirety of its existence. Depression--yep. He's here too.

If I allow myself to go even 5 minutes without speaking to the Lord, I find myself back on the news reports, refreshing and getting the 8 minute update since the last time I searched for the live play by play of this virus.

My mind is convinced it needs to be informed, so that it can have a handle on what is happening in the world.

Maybe you have not grown up with anxiety being your natural response. Let me explain. Anxiety is a constant grasp for control. It is the desire to have a plan and to be prepared for l-i-t-e-r-a-l-l-y every single possible outcome or situation. It is exhausting and crippling.

As I was scrolling yesterday, for way too long, I realized that I had gotten myself deep into the pit.

To put a name to some of the things that fueled my anxiety:

Self Preservation: Protection of oneself from harm or death

Pride: ME ME ME. Wanting to satisfy my own desires, my own comfort, in my own timing, in my own ways, because my things were getting disrupted

Control: Wanting to protect and worry my way into saving all of the people I love from harm or death

Do you know that these are all regarded as basic instincts? Our natural flesh response is to protect ourselves, to put our hands on everything and assume we have to handle it all. We have to be strong enough. We have to do what we can do to be everything for everyone all the time in order to receive any sort of rest or resolution.

Am I the only one who has wrestled with that weight? The weight that not only is not mine to carry—but the weight that is absolutely impossible to carry!

I am not in control. I am not I am.

It is not my job. It is not my job.

My anxiety very literally put me on my knees last night. There is no better posture in the presence of the Lord.

Do I believe He is in control?

Do I believe He is who He says He is?

Do I believe He is working in the midst?

He is not surprised.

He is not uninformed. He is not updating His news screens every ten minutes to see what the latest update is.

He wrote this story already.

I need you to know that if you are feeling the feelings, you are not alone. Feeling all of the feelings of fear, anxiety, worry, and sadness--feel the feelings but please don't stay in them. Emotions are fleeting. Truth has to be your foundation. This lifelong lesson continues for me, but if you try to build a foundation on feelings, you will fall every single time. You will. You cannot let emotions take the reins.

We have to know Scripture. Read it. Speak it. Memorize it. Sing it. We have to know the truth. If you don't--how do you expect to stand? If you don't have a solid truth of who God is or what His word says, you will continue to fall back on old coping mechanisms, and on the natural responses and reactions. We cannot let flesh take on what the Spirit should and can handle.

It only takes a minute to take my eyes off of the fear of the unknown and look at the faithfulness of the Lord & in that very moment you see His faithfulness everywhere.

When You know Jesus, you discover the peace beyond comprehension. & with a sigh of relief, you realize that He has got this.

In September I had some friends pray over me for my anxiety and I was given Psalm 91. I have read Psalm 91 countless times since. I have read it in the dark nights when I could not sleep. I have read it over others who are wrestling. I have read it and studied it and believed it. It has come up in different scenarios and circumstances that are completely unrelated--but are related because, Jesus.

In the past week, I have seen Psalm 91 posted hundreds of times. >> I see you Jesus.

Every worship song we have been singing, every song we have been leading, every study, every lesson--it has prepared us for such a time as this. To put into action every piece of truth we have tucked into our hearts. It's time to be awakened to the fact that if you are a believer and living with the Holy Spirit dwelling within you—this is it. This is when we get to show the world Jesus.

Because this unsteadiness and craziness changes nothing really at all. God was on the throne. God is on the throne. And God will be on the throne. Who Jesus was yesterday, is who He is today, and will continue to be.

What a time to hear the gospel. What a time to be able to share the gospel. What a time to share the message to repent--and turn from the ways that are leading to death, leading to empty promises, leading to temporary satisfaction, leading to fear and anxiety and pain and loneliness. What a beautiful time to repent and to turn to Jesus.

DAILY.

Manna came daily.

Mercies come daily.

Grace abounds. daily.

Daily bread. Daily Jesus. Daily.

I know it is dangerous to focus on the What Ifs. Maybe, like me, you can't help it!!

So, let's just do it. Let's play the What if game...

What if God is exactly who He says He is?

What if God is on the move, and we get to be apart of the Kingdom work and sharing the gospel message today?

What if the world is scared and lonely and facing unknowns and we get to share with them the purpose and plan and person who changes everything--Jesus?

What if we get to lead people into the presence of an all knowing perfect Heavenly Father who gives perfect peace?

The Father disciplines those He loves. The Lord knows I need discipline. What a better time to have a forced time out, as much of the world shuts down. To allow His discipline to cut and prune and weed out the areas of my heart and life that are not pleasing and honoring to Him. Repentance is not to bring you to shame. His kindness leads us to repentance and on the other side is a love that I can not put into words.

I don't know what tomorrow brings. But I know what today brings.

Today brings a morning back on the knees, back in repentance. (& then a consistent repentance every time I try to take back what I lay down)

Today is asking the Holy Spirit to do His job and giving Him access and permission to be in total control.

Today brings enough mercy and enough grace.

Today brings the exact provision and supply I need.

Today brings the bread and the living water, Jesus.

Today grace upon grace.

Today I get to be a messenger and get to share the good news and the gospel. Then let the Lord do His work.

So I say it again,

What a time to be alive.